Emotions are involved in every thought, every decision we make – emotions have the ability to control us if they feel a threat or an emergency.
Emotional Intelligence is twice as important as IQ and technical skills combined.
However in schools throughout the world in the last decade it has been found that IQ is constantly rising and the EQ is consistently decreasing. There is the mistaken perception that children need technical skills to succeed.
Parents in general have bought this lie and left parenting to the schools and have declined to interact with their children because of the emphasis on skills. But lets not blame the parents as we have all been schooled in a system that has lied to us about the results that we will get from it.
Do you understand what I am telling you here? The 40 Year Plan has not worked – no wonder the youth look at this and wonder why they should respect us for being so shortsighted. What example have we being giving our children – perhaps it is not one that demands the respect that previous generations expected from us.
Previous generations spent more time with parents and in interaction than the current generation.
The good news is that ‘Skills for life are teachable’ and you can learn them at any point in your life!
These skills are:
- Self Awareness -this is your moral compass, knowing your feelings and why you feel the way you do.
- Managing your emotions – Every emotion has a reason. Handling your distressing emotions in an effective way so that they don’t cripple you.
- Empathy – Knowing what someone else is feeling and how they feel about what is happening.
- Social Skills – relationship management.
Oh incidentally Woman are better at empathy and Men are better at motivation.
The best way to manage any situation effectively is to listen.
The best personal brands are emotionally intelligent and they make others want to deal with them and the organisation they represent.
Life is about connections in a world where we are looking for connections, especially with family and our handpicked friends.
Emotional intelligence is about facing your fears – most people run from their fears, but we find the happiest people are the most fufilled because they run towards their fears.
I want to give you a little lesson in love … When we say that we love someone we often use it very loosely, but in reality those we truly love are the people we want to see grow – if we do not want to see that person grow we do not love them. If we did not love our children we would not want to see them improve and grow.
We need to be introspective of our lives and look at those we spend time with and ask ourselves if we truly love them or not … my challenge to you is only spend time with those who you truly love, because more often than not it is those who love us dearly.
We need to be grateful for those friends who are fearless enough to criticise us and remember that every moment spent with another human is your moment that enables you to express your humanity.
So lets look at what it takes to be emotionally intelligent again:
- Self Aware
- Interpersonal Abilities
Your intention becomes authentic when you are self-aware.
Emotional self control means staying calm under pressure, and listening well and deeply (having empathy) and seeking first to understand before needing to be understood.
Emotional Intelligence is basically three distinct sections:
- Self Awareness
- Relationship Management
Emotional Intelligence is most important in two fields of life – education and healthcare. The most important aspect of life and relationships is trust. How do we build trust?
This illustration known as the Johari window helps clarify the way we perceive ourselves.
———–> Your sub-conscious is 90% of who you are.
Blindspot diminishes and Facade drops when trust is formed and it opens the door to the unknown you – the part of you where creativity and spontaneity exists in abundance.
You need to feel safe to be spontaneous and creative.
Their are so many similarities between good teaching and good healing and they are all based within our neo-cortex area of the brain.
The brain is made up of three main parts when it comes to emotional intelligence.
NEO CORTEX (Thinking Brain)
LIMBIC SYSTEM (Emotional Brain)
BRAIN STEM (Survival Brain)
That which we give attention to grows.
We need to get over the old heirachy notion, the old structure – the thinking that I know everything and that others (especially the children) know nothing.
We have believed in the anarchy model for too long, we need to trust the social structure that we were made for – we were made to live in community and that community structure even in the simplest form is self-monitoring and that forms a safe haven of trust around us.
We don’t need laws to govern us, we are intrinsically good not bad and that enables us to have mutual respect and empathy for others.
Before we get into some of the more practical steps I would like to explain the difference between Emotional and Social Intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is self mastery, excellence due to your self efforts.
Social Intelligence is leadership, through influencing, persuading, developing, growing, inspiring and motivating people.
So it can be said that all people once they have acquired the necessary emotional intelligence skills should actually be involved in social intelligence.
Why is EQ Important?
- Your performance at work
- Your physical health
- Your mental health
- Your relationships
How do we raise our EQ? You can practice the following skills and within a few weeks you would of found that you have raised your emotional intelligence.
- Rapidly reduce stress
- Realise you are stressed
- Identify your stress response
- Discover your stress bust technique
- Emotional Awareness
- Do you experience feelings that flow
- Emotions accompanied with physical sensations you experience.
- Do you experience discreet feelings and emotions?
- Can you experience intense emotions?
- Can you experience intense feelings?
- Do you pay attention to your emotions?
- Non verbal communication
- Focus / Zone-in on the other person
- Make eye contact
- Pay attention to nonverbal clues
- Use humor and play to deal with challenges
- Take hardships in your stride
- Smooth over differences
- Simultaneously relax and energise yourself
- Become more creative
- Embrace your playful nature
- Set aside time
- Practice playing – children, animals and other outgoing people
- Resolve conflict positively
- Stay focused on the present
- Chose your arguments
- End conflicts that can’t be resolved
GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO BE RIGHT
One of the biggest ways to increase your emotional intelligence is to forgive yourself.
I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.
If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.
- What is EQ?
- Emotional Intelligence Training Course
- Learn to meditate with the Just6 App
- Meditation and the Science
- 7 reasons that emotional intelligence is quickly becoming one of the top sought job skills
- The secret to a high salary Emotional intelligence
- How to bring mindfulness into your employee wellness program
- Google ’Search Inside Yourself’