Emotional Intelligence Archives - Page 3 of 4

21 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

So, if you’re looking to build your emotional intelligence, where do you start? 21 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence (in Just a Few Minutes a Day). See our EQ course.

Found this post here, thought I would share. Emotional intelligence is experiencing a resurgence. The concept–that we can develop the ability to identify, understand, and manage emotions–has been around for a while. But it’s gained steam in recent years, partially due to the polarizing climate in which we currently live. In addition, many in younger generations are discovering the basic tenets of “EQ” (and their benefits) for the first time.

So, if you’re looking to build your emotional intelligence, where do you start?

In my new book, _EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence, _I outline a number of clear, practical tips that you can implement in your daily routine, most of which take only a few minutes a day.

Here are 21 of my favorites:

1. Ask and reflect.

Carve out some time this week to answer a few of the following questions. Then, ask them of someone you trust.

How do my moods affect my thoughts and decision-making?
How would I (or you) describe my communication style, and its effect on others?
What traits in others bother me? Why?
Do I find it difficult to admit when I’m wrong? Why or why not?
What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses?

Think deeply about the answers, using them to better understand yourself and your emotions.

2. Use your emotional vocabulary.

When a doctor tries to diagnose a problem, he or she will ask you to describe the pain you’re feeling. They might ask you to use words like sharp, dull, burning, shooting, aching, cramping, gnawing, heavy, splitting, stabbing, nauseating, throbbing, and tender. The more specific you get, the easier for your doctor to diagnose the problem and prescribe proper treatment.

It works similarly with your emotions: By using specific words to describe your feelings, it’s easier to get to their root cause, enabling you to better deal with them. So, the next time you experience a strong emotional reaction, take time afterward to process not only what you’re feeling, but also why. Try to put your feelings into words; then, determine what you want to do about the situation.

3. Pause.

If you feel yourself beginning to respond emotionally to a situation, take a pause. If possible, go for a short walk. Once you’ve had the chance to calm down, come back and decide how you want to move forward.

4. Use the 3-second trick.

If you tend to put your foot in your mouth, agree too quickly to commitments, or otherwise say something you later regret, ask yourself three quick questions (which I learned from Craig Ferguson) before speaking:

Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me, now?

In contrast, if you’re more introverted and often find that later you wish you had expressed yourself in a specific moment or situation, ask yourself:

Will I regret not speaking up later?

The right question(s) can help you manage your emotional reactions and avoid regrets.

5. Adjust your volume.

When you communicate, your conversation partner will often react in the same style or tone you choose. If you speak in a calm, rational voice, they’ll respond similarly. Yell or scream, and they start yelling and screaming, too.

If a discussion begins to escalate, focus your efforts on “dialing it back” by softening your tone or even lowering your voice. You’ll be surprised at how your partner follows your lead.

6. Think before addressing sensitive topics.

Before revisiting a touchy topic, give careful thought as to where and when to speak, with the goal of having a calm and rational discussion.

It’s also important to consider how you will reintroduce the subject. For example, opening with an apology, with an expression of gratitude, or by acknowledging where you and your communication partner agree may lead the other person to lower his or her guard and become more open to what you have to say.

7. Fast-forward.

If emotion is clouding your judgment, take a moment to fast-forward and consider the consequences of your actions–both short- and long-term. Doing so can help you achieve clarity of mind and make sound decisions that you’re proud of.

8. Learn from negative emotions.

If you find yourself struggling with negative emotions, ask yourself: What is this feeling telling me? Can I use this emotion to motivate me to make a change?

9. Learn from emotional hijacks.

An “emotional hijack” is a situation in which you completely lose control of your emotions. Often, it’s a series of circumstances or events that culminates in an action that pushes you “over the edge.”

When you experience an emotional hijack, try to examine what happened by asking yourself:

Why did I react the way I did?
What would I change if I could do it again?
What could I say to myself next time that would help me think more clearly?

Once you begin to understand _why _you reacted the way you did, you can train your default reaction so you respond differently next time.

10. Learn to say no.

It’s great to be kind and helpful to others, but you have your limits. If you say yes to every request for your time and energy, you put yourself on the path to burnout.

And remember, every time you say yes to something you don’t really want, you’re actually saying no to the things you do want.

11. Ask for feedback.

Get specific. For example, authors Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone advise asking your manager or a trusted colleague:

”What’s one thing you see me doing (or failing to do) that holds me back?”

12. Turn criticism into constructive feedback.

When you receive criticism, resist the urge to take it personally. Instead, focus on answering two questions:

Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternate perspective?
How can I use this feedback to help me improve?

Remember that most criticism is rooted in truth. And even when it isn’t, it gives you a valuable window into the perspective of others.

13. Learn from commendation.

The next time someone commends you, thank this person politely. Later, ask yourself the following:

What can I learn from this commendation?
What did I do well? How can I repeat it?
Who helped me perform well? Can I, in turn, thank or praise the person who praised me, too?

14. Practice empathy.

When a person tells you about a personal struggle, listen carefully. Resist the urge to judge the person or situation, to interrupt and share your personal experience, or to propose a solution. Instead, focus on understanding the how and why: how the person feels, and why he or she feels that way.

Then, ask yourself:

When have I felt similar to what this person has described?

Once you have a better understanding of how the person feels, try to relate to their feelings.

15. Commend others.

For one month, schedule 20 minutes a week to reflect on what you appreciate about someone important to you. It could be your significant other (or another member of your family), a friend, a business partner, or a colleague.

Then, take a moment to write this person a short note, give them a call, or go see them in person. Tell them specifically how they help you or what you value about them. Don’t address any other topics or problems; just show some love.

16. Fight fear–with knowledge.

Strive to identify situations where others use fear to influence your feelings and actions. Since we tend to fear the unknown, research the facts and consider opposing opinions before passing judgment or making a decision. Endeavor to see the whole picture.

17. Learn to say sorry.

There are probably no two words harder to say than the following:

“I’m sorry.“

But by learning to acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when appropriate, you’ll develop qualities like humility and authenticity, naturally drawing others to you. Additionally, remember that apologizing isn’t always about right and wrong; it’s about valuing your relationships more than your ego.

18. Forgive.

Refusing to forgive is like leaving a knife in a wound–you never give yourself the chance to heal.

Instead of hanging on to resentment while the offending party moves on with life, forgiving gives you the chance to move on, too.

19. Be honest. (But keep it respectful.)

Being authentic means sharing your true thoughts and feelings with others, realizing that not everyone will agree with you, and being OK with that. But honesty must be practiced with respect if you want to gain the respect of others.

Authenticity doesn’t mean sharing everything about yourself, with everyone, all of the time. It _does _mean saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and sticking to your values and principles above all else.

20. Keep your guard up.

Beware of persons who constantly seek to stroke your ego, push a relationship to levels you’re not ready for, or are quick to show warmth and affection but then quickly lose their temper or find other ways to “punish” you when they don’t get their way.

If a relationship seems to be moving too fast, don’t be afraid to slow things down. And don’t be afraid to say no when appropriate.

21. Control your thoughts.

When you experience a negative situation, it’s difficult to control your feelings. But when you focus on your thoughts, you can control your reactions to those feelings.

Don’t try to ignore your feelings; instead, acknowledge them. Then, move forward in a way that’s in harmony with your goals and values.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

June 8, 2019

Using Emotional And Cultural Intelligence To Boost Your Brand

Emotional Intelligence

Making your brands accessible, relevant & relatable to a broader set of consumers can produce feelings of uncertainty, anxiety & even fear. Boost your brand with an EQ course.

Been awhile since I shared. Found this for you the Just Being family. Origial article.

Customer experience and customer journeys are a subject that has been popping up recently at conferences and in articles and blogs. Indeed, most marketers are prioritizing the concept of creating personalized and friction-free customer experiences. However, I wonder how often we ask which customers and whose journeys we are trying to understand and enhance.

This is important because it’s possible that many of us define our customer base in a limited manner — perhaps in a way that is familiar, comfortable and safe. Consider that today’s U.S. consumers are racially and culturally diverse; even within the same race and culture, they are diverse. In fact, census projections indicate that by the year 2020, about half of Gen Z, Gen Y and Gen X will be multicultural, and future growth of Gen Z and Gen Y segments will come primarily from multicultural markets. I emphasize these segments because they are sweet spots for many marketers.

There are also increasingly greater numbers of intercultural relationships and marriages, and these couples have young children, teens and young adults who are growing up in multicultural households. Even non-Hispanic white consumers are increasingly different culturally than they were twenty years ago: They are continuously influenced by other cultures, by the geographies in which they live, by pop culture, by politics and by the whole of the world given how technology has made it so accessible.

Making your brands accessible, relevant and relatable to a broader set of consumers can produce feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and even fear. You might become concerned about stepping out of your capabilities and competency comfort zone. Then there’s the fear of getting it wrong and the impact on career success, including compensation and promotions.

In some cases, your first line of defense might be to resist or to minimize the importance of the work required to manage a broader set of consumers or to delegate it. But doing so can be detrimental to your brand’s success. You may believe you or your team don’t have the know-how, the budget or the time — but these would just be reasons not to act in your brand’s best interest. Multicultural consumers are just American consumers with different mindsets, viewpoints and tastes, and you need them. You must find a way to take the steps to understand them culturally and behaviorally and integrate them into your brand’s implementation.

How to train the compassionate brain

Compassion, Emotional Intelligence

New study shows that training adults in a loving-kindness-style “compassion meditation” actually makes them significantly more altruistic toward others.

How to train the compassionate brain was an article from Mindful.org. A new study finds that training in compassion makes us more altruistic.

The first time I ever tried a loving-kindness meditation, I was overcome by a feeling of complete… futility. Mentally extending compassion to others and wishing them free from suffering seemed nice enough, but I had a hard time believing that my idle thoughts could increase kindness in the real world.

Turns out I was wrong.

A new study, just published online by Psychological Science, shows that training adults in a loving-kindness-style “compassion meditation” actually makes them significantly more altruistic toward others.

The study suggests not only that it’s possible to increase compassion and altruism in the world, but that we can do so even through relatively brief training.

What’s more, the study is the first to link these behavioral changes with measurable changes in brain activity, shedding light on why compassionate thoughts may actually lead to compassionate deeds. “We really wanted to show that compassion is a skill that you can work on, like exercise or learning a musical instrument,” says the study’s lead author, Helen Weng, who is a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, where she’s affiliated with the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds.

Training to help

In the study, Weng and her colleagues gave participants one of two trainings. In both trainings, the participants listened to a 30-minute audio recording on their own once a day for just two weeks.

One was the compassion meditation. The compassion meditation gently instructed the participants to extend feelings of compassion toward different people, including themselves, a loved one, a casual acquaintance, and someone with whom they’d had difficulty.

The researchers call the other audio recording a “reappraisal training” because it involved recalling a stressful experience and trying to think about it in a new, less upsetting way, such as by considering it from another person’s point of view.

Before and immediately after each two-week training, all participants had their brains scanned in an fMRI machine while they looked at a series of images, some of which depicted people in pain, such as a burn victim or a crying child.

Also immediately after the trainings, the participants played an online game designed to measure their altruistic behavior. In the game, they were given $5, another player was given $10, and a third player had no money. (The other “players” were actually computer generated, but the participants were led to believe they were real people.) Each study participant first watched as the player with $10 was asked to share some of his money but gave only $1 to the penniless player, who the researchers refer to as the “victim.” The participant could then choose to spend any amount of his $5; whatever he spent would have to be doubled by the wealthy player and given to the victim. So if the participant was willing to part with $2, the victim would receive $4 from the other player.

Would people who received the compassion training be more willing to spend their money in order to help a stranger in need?

They were—in fact, they spent nearly twice as much as people who received the reappraisal training, $1.14 vs. $0.62.

Changing the Brain

It’s important to note that, during the game, participants weren’t instructed to think about anything they’d learned during their training. Yet that brief daily meditation still seemed to have a strong carry-over effect on their behavior.

“This demonstrates that purely mental training in compassion can result in observable altruistic changes toward a victim,” the researchers write in their paper, “even when individuals are not explicitly cued to generate compassion.”

And these changes were also reflected in changes to brain activity. Specifically, when compared with their brain activity before the training, people who received the compassion training showed increased activity in neural networks involved in understanding the suffering of others, regulating emotions, and positive feelings in response to a reward or goal.

The researchers saw similar brain changes in the reappraisal training group, but that brain activity didn’t translate into altruistic behavior. To explain this, the researchers propose how the interaction between the training, brain activity, and behavior may have differed between the two groups.

They point out that a heightened sensitivity to suffering causes people to avoid that suffering because it doesn’t feel good; however, because the compassion training also seemed to strengthen the brain’s ability to regulate emotions, people may have been able to sense suffering without feeling overwhelmed by it. Instead, the care for others emphasized by the compassion training may have caused them to see suffering not as a threat to their own well-being but as an opportunity to reap the psychic rewards from achieving an important goal—namely, connecting with someone else and making him feel better.

“When your goal is to help another person, then your reward system will be activated when you’re meeting that goal,” says Weng. By contrast, the reappraisal group’s goal was to decrease their own negative emotions, making them less inclined to be altruistic when confronted with someone else’s pain. “When you’re focused on decreasing your own negative emotions,” she says, “I think that makes you less focused on other people.”

Building on previous studies

This study follows prior research documenting the positive effects of other compassion training programs, such as the Compassion Cultivation Training developed at Stanford Univeristy and the Cognitively-Based Compassion Training out of Emory University. A study published earlier this year, also in Psychological Science, suggests that training in mindfulness meditation significantly increases compassionate behavior.

But this new study is noteworthy for several reasons. For one thing, many of the previous studies have examined trainings that took several hours a week for at least eight weeks; this study’s compassion training, by contrast, took just a total of seven hours over two weeks.

Also, prior studies of compassion trainings have mostly looked at their effects on brain activity, emotional well-being, or physical health. But this is the first study to both examine “whether training in compassion will make you more caring and helpful toward others,” says Weng, and then document how “those changes in behavior are linked to changes in neural and emotional responding to people suffering.”

Weng says she’s excited by the implication that people can develop significantly more compassion and altruism, even outside of a training like the one she helped to create.

“Our findings support the possibility that compassion and altruism can be viewed as trainable skills rather than as stable traits,” she and her co-authors write. “This lays the groundwork for future research to explore whether compassion-related trainings can benefit fields that depend on altruism and cooperation (e.g., medicine) as well as clinical subgroups characterized by deficits in compassion, such as psychopaths.”

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

May 8, 2019

4 Reasons Emotional Intelligence Gives Women an Upper Hand as Negotiators

Emotional Intelligence, Leadership

Women are uniquely equipped with the soft skills required to succeed in negotiation. Emotional Intelligence Gives Women an Upper Hand as Negotiators. Learn EQ training.

Wanted to share this great post

It’s one of the oldest business adages in the book: You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. Successful negotiation, particularly in high-stakes situations, is often the difference between a smashing success and a crushing failure.

In the past, negotiation has been conceived of as a battle of wills, a deadlock between two aggressive parties where the first one to blink loses. However, in my experience, successful negotiation is much more nuanced – and much less testosterone-fueled.

Winning is good, but finding solutions that are satisfactory to both parties is best.

Women, with their innate emotional intelligence, are uniquely equipped with the soft skills required to succeed in negotiation. Here’s why:

1. Successful negotiation requires building relationships.

The key to any successful negotiation is establishing relationships of trust. Without these mutual understandings, the parties will focus on serving their own selfish needs and compromise will be difficult.

It’s rare for any two parties to enter negotiation ready to fully yield to the other’s requests. The power of a healthy relationship can step into this gap and help build bridges between two otherwise estranged groups.

“Women tend to be better at emotional empathy than men, in general,“ Dr. Dan Goleman wrote in Psychology Today. “This kind of empathy fosters rapport and chemistry. People who excel in emotional empathy make good counselors, teachers and group leaders because of this ability to sense in the moment how others are reacting.”

Ranking high in emotional intelligence gives women an edge when it comes to building relationships. Empathy – understanding where people are coming from and what they need, is perhaps the single most important part of building a strong relationship – and successfully negotiating with someone.

2. Being able to articulately describe feelings is key.

The ability to express one’s feelings is another crucial element of negotiation. Two stiff-lipped negotiators can stare each other down for hours without success, waiting for the other to crack.

As women, society gives us the necessary permission to use the language we need to communicate our emotions. As LaRae Quy, an FBI counterintelligence agent, has noted, “Little girls are given permission by society to be empathetic, use language that expresses emotions, and place priorities on developing deep and meaningful relationships (starting with dolls).”

Unfortunately, men do not receive the same opportunity. Men’s stoicism can be an Achilles heel in negotiation, as successfully identifying and matching emotional currents in the room can mean the difference between success and failure.

“The effective negotiator or mediator must take into account not only the economic, political and physical aspects of the process, but also the emotional tenor of themselves as well as that of all of the parties,“ Edward Kelly and Natalija Kaminskienė wrote in their landmark study on the importance of emotional intelligence in negotiation and mediation.

Women’s ability to recognize and speak about their feelings and those of others make them naturally suited for negotiation.

3. In negotiation, influence means more than authority.

Men often approach negotiation from a position of authority. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, I believe it is not the best or most effective tactic to use when trying to build consensus.

Everyone has some level of resistance to authority.

With power always comes the threat of abuse. Influence, on the other hand, is a more subtle thing. It’s generated by empathizing with the person you are negotiating with and steering their opinions in your direction. It’s what really sparks the combustion in the engines of negotiation.

Women’s empathy and relationship-building ability allows them to quickly build influence with others. They can read a room and gauge what the peripheral audience thinks of the situation.

All of this data collection gives them sway in the negotiation. Their influence over the situation increases the odds that the final compromise will swing in their favor.

4. Sensitivity to feedback is crucial when working out a compromise.

A 2016 study detailed in the Harvard Business Review compared dozens of male and female students at a Spanish business college, and found that the women were significantly more sensitive to peer feedback than their male counterparts.

While one’s self-esteem should never be reliant on the opinions of others, sensitivity to feedback can be a tremendous advantage in some situations – like high stakes negotiation. If you’re not listening to the other party and taking their positions seriously, you’re not engaged in a negotiation – it’s an argument.

Every negotiation is different, and of course, men have innate skills that are very valuable as well, but women are rightfully beginning to take their place at the table as expert negotiators, and it’s not hard to see why.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

May 8, 2019

The secret to a high salary emotional intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

While IQ remains a very strong predictor of career success, research suggests that secret to a high salary is emotional intelligence. Learn to boost your EQ.

found this article here. Thought I would share. Enjoy 🙂

People with better social skills tend to out-earn their colleagues, but what can you do to build your emotional IQ?

While IQ remains a very strong predictor of career success, our research suggests that people with high emotional intelligence are more likely to have higher wages.

The study, published in the Journal of Vocational Behaviour in August 2017, tested US university students for emotional intelligence, or EI, during their studies – and then looked at their career trajectory over the course of 10 years. The results showed us that students who scored highly for EI went on to have better salaries across all industries than their less emotionally intelligent peers.

So why do people with emotional intelligence earn more? EI means being able to understand others’ emotions – at work, this skill allows you to accurately motivate and influence other peoples’ behaviours.

The study showed that people with high EI tend to use their skills to become deeply embedded in the company’s social network – essentially, they make many friends. This gives them access to more information and knowledgeable colleagues, which in turn improves their performance and leads to a higher wage.

Emotional intelligence is also an attractive quality for mentors. Who wouldn’t want to help someone who was self-aware, emotionally balanced and perceptive to other peoples’ needs and emotions? The research found that people with high EI are more likely to have senior mentors, which again has a positive influence on their career success.

Likewise, people with high EI are more open to accepting feedback and learning from their mistakes. By contrast, people with low levels of emotional intelligence are less willing to accept criticism and self-improve: this is likely to hold them back in their careers.

People with high EI also have the ability to perceive, understand and manage their own emotions – which helps enormously in dealing with complex interpersonal situations at work.

While EI is important at all stages of a career, it becomes more important as you climb the professional ladder. More senior roles require individuals to be successful by inspiring, persuading and building rapport with others. So based on the findings of the study, one would imagine EI to have a greater impact on salary the higher up an organisation you climb.

We don’t enter the job market with just our heads: working with others is entirely social. We need to engage our mind and body in these interactions to succeed at work.

So what can you do to build emotional intelligence?

First, you need to develop emotional awareness. Make a conscious effort to be mindful of your own thoughts and emotional reactions to situations. Think about how you will be perceived by others. Make a diary of daily events and reflect on how you behaved each day, what the feedback was and how you can improve your empathy.

Second, make an effort to take part in team activities or roles at work that involve social interaction. This will open you up to opportunities for empathy. If you find social interactions difficult, it will also help you learn how to deal with stressful situations and anxiety.

And lastly, seek out coaching and development opportunities from mentors, teachers and colleagues. This will help you to better integrate into the company’s social network, develop your social skills and set the right mindset for behavioural change. Start asking colleagues for regular feedback and act on it.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

April 8, 2019

Fettle App – Master Self Awareness

Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Wellness

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. To know yourself is to master self awareness. Self-awareness is positively correlated with higher levels of overall happiness.

The first step for practicing self-awareness is gaining a greater awareness of your emotions. The second step is making a habit of tracking your feelings. Begin to track your most positive feelings and your most negative feelings. This is where Fettle can assist.

Fettle: state or condition of health, fitness, wholeness, spirit, or form – often used in the phrase, “In Fine Fettle”. What is your fettle state?

Every Evening Score Your Day. Rate it between -2, -1, 0, +1 & +2. Write a brief paragraph of the days highlights. Write down your most positive feelings and your most negative feelings.

learn to see what makes your life a low 🙁 of -2 OR a HIGH 🙂 of +2. Overtime you will build a picture and drill down to see what in your life sparks a +2 🙂 and what provokes a -2 🙁

You will begin to notice patterns and trends. Begin to see what makes you truly happy!

Download from the App Store

To learn more the app is also available as a web app at fettle.life

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practicing Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

March 7, 2019

How surfing improves your emotional intelligence

Emotional Intelligence, Meditation

surfing improves your emotional intelligence. It’s not surprising why psychologists and coaching experts find emotional intelligence to be one of the key predictors of success. See how surfing helps your EQ. See other methods.

Emotional Intelligence, describes an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, and of others.

It’s not surprising why psychologists and career coaching experts find emotional intelligence to be one of the key predictors of success. That’s because people with high EQ can work well under pressure and because they are able to understand other people’s emotions, it is easier for them to get along with others.

Emotionally intelligent people are also effective communicators as they are able to manage their emotions while responding to others. Their ability to listen well makes them more sensitive to the needs of others. Their open-mindedness and capacity for empathy help them adapt to change in both business or social settings.

Emotionally intelligent people make great leaders because they are able to make sound decisions based on facts and careful evaluation that also take into consideration the views of others. They are able to connect with others emotionally, which helps build trust in any relationship.

Jobs such as those in sales and customer service in which emotional competencies obviously make a big difference, we already intuitively know. What surprised me was from the work done at Google with their ‘Search Inside Yourself’ course. They reported that this is true even for individual contributors in the tech sector, namely engineers whom you would expect to succeed purely on intellectual prowess. The top six competencies that distinguish star performers from average performers in the tech sector are:

Strong achievement drive and high achievement standards [EQ]
Ability to influence [EQ]
Conceptual thinking [IQ]
Analytical ability [IQ]
Initiative in taking on challenges [EQ]
Self-confidence [EQ]

Of the top six, only two (conceptual thinking and analytical ability) are purely intellectual competencies. The other four, including the top two, are emotional competencies.

Decades of research now points to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. It’s a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with a tremendous results. TalentSmart tested emotional intelligence alongside 33 other important workplace skills, and found that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, explaining a full 58 percent of success in all types of jobs.

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Developed.

Some people have naturally good EQ skills. Others need to work on them. The good news is that everyone can get better. Unlike IQ, people can actually improve their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is trainable, even in adults. This claim is based on a new branch of science known as “neuroplasticity.”

Why surfing helps build EQ

Activity in the presence of nature improves both mental and physical health, reducing stress, improving attention capacity, mood, and general well being.

Surfing produces a powerful rush of neurochemicals associated with happiness and well-being, including oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine. This rush of chemicals aids in the reduction of stress and the enhancement of attention capacity and mood.

There are five categories of emotional intelligence. They are;

Self-awareness. Identify your emotions and analyse your reactions.
Self-regulation. Practice control over your emotions and recognise impulses.
Motivation. An emotionally intelligent person is capable of motivating himself.
Empathy. Empathy is more than just putting yourself in the shoes of others.
Social skills. Hear the words and the emotions behind what was communicated to you, then respond with honesty and sensitivity.

So how do we train emotional intelligence? It turns out the first step is attention training. The idea is to train attention to create a quality of mind that is calm and clear at the same time. That quality of mind forms the foundation for emotional intelligence. The foundation of surfing is also the foundation of EQ training, “A Strong Attention Capacity”.

The way to train your attention is with “mindfulness meditation.” Mindfulness is defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Mindfulness is a quality of mind that we all experience and enjoy from time to time. And many a surfer feels this often! It’s something that can be made stronger with practice. Once it becomes strong, it leads to calmness and clarity that forms the basis of emotional intelligence.

Surfing combined with mindfulness can increase the effectiveness of both practices. Surfing itself is a form of everyday mindfulness. It demands attention to the present moment. Missing the perfect wave or getting pounded by an incoming set is strong incentive to maintain focus.

Surfers must focus all of their attention on balancing on their boards and getting ready for the next wave. Because this requires so much attention, surfers don’t have time to worry about anything else. Anyone who has a lot on their mind can benefit greatly from paddling out into the water and riding a few waves.

Once you have a solid attention foundation then you can move to self-awareness. Surfers become more self-aware by riding the waves. This activity forces them to connect with their bodies, identify their limitations, and acknowledge their strengths. Becoming more self-aware can build confidence and help individuals increase their emotional intelligence.

For many, surfing goes beyond sport and often leads to a more fulfilling, uplifting, and meaningful life. Surfing is an ideal practice for supporting long-term mental and physical health.

Surfing isn’t easy. A surfer can spend a lifetime improving their skills and seeking ever more challenging waves. It is the same journey if you’re trying to improve your EQ. As you evolve as a surfer and as a human, strong self-awareness will keep you on the right wave so you can enjoy the ride 🙂

My years of managing dev teams lead me to develop an EQ training course. It was easy for me to develop their technical abilities but what I found, what would truly boost their careers was improving EQ skills.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training. My surfing and windsurfing have also been integral in my understanding of EQ.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

Enjoy the waves 🙂

Featured image from unspalsh – by Tim Marshall

March 2, 2019

Tap into the emotion of teams for more effective business results

Emotional Intelligence

Neuroscience shows that uncertainty and increased stress can shut down the logical part of our minds. This brings immense challenges to work and leadership. Tap into the emotion of teams for more effective business results.

The reasons I built the Just Being course at Jumo was for this exact reason. Tap into the Emotion of Teams for more effective business results can only be done with an effective emotional intelligence training course. I saw this article posted here and thought I would share.

Employee Engagement is the number one HR Leadership priority for 2017 (_Deloitte’s_ 2016 _Human Capital_ Trends report) and with Brexit on the horizon and the policies promised by President Trump, we are entering a period of uncertainty for many business leaders.

Neuroscience has proven that uncertainty and increased stress can shut down the logical part of our minds as we focus on survival. This brings immense challenges to the world of work and leadership.

Research from Gallup shows that employees in the 20- 36 year age group are the least engaged generation in the workplace to date, with many changing jobs and workers actively looking for new roles. This signals a bumpy ride for management teams in retaining good people.

The study highlights how millennials are pushing organsiations to reinvent how they lead and manage, highlighting what 21st century workers seek from employment today. The underlying principles for driving engagement among these millennials lie in the climate that a leader has created in the organisation. Indeed this may be true for all workers. As the title of the famous Harvard Business Review article stated, “Why should anyone be led by you!”

Research has shown that leadership climate is a known predicter of employee engagement and empowerment, directly relating to an organisation’s financial performance. Employees are over four times more likely to be engaged working in an emotionally intelligent leadership climate.

How does it feel to work around here – am I encouraged and inspired to stretch myself to my full potential?

The climate of any organisation is greatly influenced by the Emotional Intelligence of its leaders. Emotional Intelligence and the ability to lead people through a volatile and complex working world are seen as the greatest competitive advance for the 21st century.

A six year longitudinal study of 167 high-tech start-ups in Silicon Valley with different management and leadership styles highlighted that those who had the least chance of business failure and who achieved sustainable growth and investment funding adopted a commitment model of leadership. These organisations put a focus on their employees, created a common purpose, provided meaningful work and developed collaboration.

Key Questions leaders should ask themselves

What is my mindset? Am I creating a mindful/thriving climate that builds long term success
How am I feeling? How self-aware am I of my feelings and those around me?
How do I choose to behave – do I take time out to reflect on situations and prepare for key conversations and meetings – what is my objective , what fingerprint do I want to leave.

Tap into the Emotion of Teams for more effective business results

Measuring Climate** The Leadership Climate indicator model (JCAglobal) measures 12 key leadership behaviours that demonstrate the prevalence of 4 leadership styles – Inspiring, Including, Controlling and Withdrawing leadership. It explores how the tone set by the organisations leaders is felt throughout the company and measures the impact this is having on perfomance, well-being and innovation.

What can today’s leaders learn from these studies?

At the recent Talent Summit event many common themes were coming through from the significant line up of Senior HR, L&D and Business leaders including keynote speaker Daniel Pink

Build Self-awareness – Leaders who are aware of their own behaviours and those of their team are closer to the reality of what is really going on in the business. Be aware of the barriers for your team. The single biggest motivator for an employee is to make progress in meaningful work.
Ensure all employees are clear on the Purpose of the organisation – Why do we exist? Why does this organisation matter?
Provide Regular Feedback – encourage an environment where feedback is seen as development and an opportunity to reduce blindspots and stretch.
Build Trust – Internally with employees, team members and externally with customers and suppliers. Actively build and develop relationships.
Create an atmosphere of openness – Make it safe to challenge and offer alternative ideas.
Stretch and Empower individuals – don’t micromanage – Encourage responsibility – give them autonomy.
Value and appreciate others – Celebrate successes and recognise a job well done.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

January 28, 2019

Mindfulness may increase mental performance at work

Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness

Mindfulness may increase mental performance at work. Mindfulness influences changes to awareness and behaviour that, in turn, play key roles in producing favorable workplace outcomes. Boosts performance!

Here is another great article I found from Key Step Media by Matthew Lippincott

Mindfulness may increase mental performance at Work? During my study of the relationship between mindfulness and leader effectiveness, 100% of the leaders I interviewed (all having months or years of prior mindfulness training and practice) linked mindfulness to improvement in their personal and professional lives. The majority described this as being significant, often using terms such as “profound,” or “life-changing.” My previous articles on EI draw from this research, exploring the way mindfulness influences each of the 12 Emotional Intelligence competencies, based on interviews with organizational leaders from around the world.

My findings ultimately reveal the following:

Mindfulness influences changes to awareness and behavior that, in turn, play key roles in producing favorable workplace outcomes.

Improved Mental Performance and More Effective Behavior

One of these changes, improved mental performance, was described by participants as having a positive, overarching effect on functions such as decision-making, susceptibility to distractions, and attention. This is not surprising since mindfulness is sometimes defined as meta-awareness, including our ability to non-judgmentally observe where our attention is and is not focused.

This capability can become a “real-time” skill set, taking the form of simultaneous observation of our interaction with others, and our internal reactions to that activity. The leaders I interviewed described this level of awareness, reporting that it provided them with a degree of “mental clarity.” Below are the specific benefits described, and the percentage of participants who reported experiencing them:

Ability to identify signs of potential conflict (in time to take corrective action) – 90
Capacity to more effectively navigate organizational relationships – 88
Improved ability to recognize emotional reactions in themselves and others – 86
Increased attentiveness and patience with others – 74
More productive responses to the emotional states of others – 100
Recognition of the negative influence of stress and anxiety – 88
Openness to new ideas and input from others – 90

how mindfulness boosts emotional intelligence graphic

Descriptions of these benefits were provided in the context of how mindfulness helped leaders gain new information about themselves, others, and their workplace culture. This information was then incorporated into their efforts to improve the effectiveness of their interactions with others. As the graphic below illustrates, leaders described an upward spiral of improvement. New insight about self and others fed back into additional, positive changes to beliefs and awareness, which paved the way for more effective behavior.

Real World Examples of Applying Mindfulness at Work

Many of the leaders reported that improved mental performance made them better able to identify and filter out distractions such as emotional reactivity and bias. A senior manager with one of the largest research and publishing firms in the world described this experience in the following way: ” you’re able to calm yourself down and put yourself in a better position to listen to someone… it helps me to be calm and think clearly and to focus…I find I’m able to be composed and organized and clear in my communications.”

Leaders specifically mentioned that mindfulness training helped them be more present when interacting with others. This included a greater ability to monitor what their attention was focused on or being distracted by. They also mentioned becoming better at observing whether or not they were listening carefully, asking relevant questions, and picking up on interpersonal cues and organizational context.

This type of observation, and the value it provides, was well articulated by an executive specializing in global communication and strategy: “(mindfulness) enables you to read other people better and be more sensitive to what’s driving their commentary, their presentation, their behavior…their body language. That makes the connection between the two of you much more on an equal footing basis. So you’re no longer either selling to a position of power, or talking to a position of power. You are in fact exchanging information and dealing with each other on footing that is, at least emotionally, much more equal.”

A new appreciation for the importance of empathy in the workplace was also identified by leaders as a benefit arising from improved mental performance. This resulted from developing a stronger ability to identify and manage the role their own emotional reactions played in their perceptions of others.

A leader who has held executives roles at one of the largest organizations in the world elaborated on this point in the following statement: “It definitely increases your empathy by helping you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You slow down your responses, and when you sort of look at why that person is reacting in that manner it helps you be more compassionate because the moment you have empathy you start thinking from a very human perspective about the situation and trying to understand what the problem is. And the moment I take that approach I realize that I have solved the problem more effectively.”

What You Can Do to Cultivate Better Mental Performance

Look for opportunities to practice in the workplace, since this will help you develop exactly the type of capabilities needed for improved performance. The following suggestions come from details shared by leaders on this topic during interviews:

When interacting with others in-person or remotely, put your phone away, turn off your email, web browser, or even your monitor
Try and continuously monitor where your eyes are focused during interactions with others, as well as your facial expression and what it may be conveying
Take notes on what you are observing during interactions with others, specifically what they may be expressing through tone, body language, and choice of words
Regularly ask questions aimed at surfacing misinterpretations
Take time each day to identify emotional reactions that may have a negative influence on your mental performance

Improved mental performance can be developed through regular practice, not unlike athletic training. There are a variety of software tools and meditation practices available that help strengthen intensity and duration of attention, however, they may not improve your ability to actively observe and more fully understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. For this type of development, consider formal mindfulness training, but be sure that the instructor is thoroughly qualified, and plan to make a consistent time commitment if you want results.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practising Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

January 14, 2019

Boost Your Emotional Intelligence with These 3 Questions

Emotional Intelligence

By answering these questions and starting to change your routine reactions, you’ll be well on your way boost your emotional intelligence. And figure out the old habits that aren’t serving you.

Found this amazing post by Daniel Goleman and Michele Nevarez here.

As the concept of emotional intelligence has gone global, we’ve watched professionals founder as they try to improve their emotional intelligence (or EI) because they either don’t know where to focus their efforts or they haven’t understood how to improve these skills on a practical level.

In our work consulting with companies and coaching leaders, we have found that if you’re looking to develop particular EI strengths, it helps to consider areas for improvement _others_ have identified along with the goals _you_ want to achieve — and then to actively build habits in those areas rather than simply relying on understanding them conceptually.

To that end, start by asking yourself three questions:

What are the differences between how you see yourself and how others see you?

The first step, as with all learning, is to get a sense of how your self-perception (how you see yourself) differs from your reputation (how others see you).

This is especially true for the development of emotional intelligence because we can be blind to, not to mention biased about, how we express and read the emotional components of our interactions. For example, most of us think that we’re good listeners, but very often that’s really not the case. Without this external reality check, it will be difficult for you to identify the ways that your actions affect your performance. Getting feedback from others can also provide proof of the necessity of shifting our behaviors and an impetus to do so.

Furthermore, emotional intelligence can’t be boiled down to a single score, as is done with IQ. You can’t just say that you’re “good” or “bad” at emotional intelligence. There are four separate aspects of it, and we’re all better at some than others: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. (Within these domains nests a total of 12 learned and learnable competencies).

To give you the best sense of where the differences lie between your self-perception and your reputation, then, you should use a 360-degree feedback assessment that takes into account the multiple facets of EI. We use the Emotional and Social Competency Index, or ESCI-360 (a commercially available product one of us —Dan — developed with Richard Boyatzis of Case Western Reserve University and Korn Ferry’s Hay Group), but many organizations have their own assessments. The key is to find one that guarantees confidentiality to those giving you feedback, that is focused on development and not on performance assessment (which skews the feedback), and that can give you a detailed sense of where others gauge you differently than you gauge yourself.

Another way to get an outside perspective on how your actions impact your relationships and your work is to work with a coach. A coach can help you delve under the surface and look at how your assumptions and personal narratives may be working against you. To find a well-trained coach, do your due diligence; coaching is not a licensed profession, so it is up to you to get references and to find out if a prospective coach has gone through a rigorous training program. If working with a coach is not feasible, find a learning partner instead, ideally a colleague whose opinions you trust and who would be willing to talk over how you are doing on a regular basis.

What matters to you?

When you get your feedback from an assessment or your coach, let that inform what you want to improve. But also consider what _your_ goals are — how you want to get better at what you do now, or where you want to go in the future. When it comes to cultivating strengths in emotional intelligence, you’re at a huge disadvantage if you’re only interested because a colleague, your boss, or someone in HR said you should be. Your emotional intelligence is so tied up in your sense of self that being intrinsically motivated to make the effort matters more when changing longstanding habits than it does when simply learning a skill like budgeting.

That means the areas that you choose to actively work on should lie at the intersection of the feedback you’ve gotten and the areas that are most important to your own aspirations. Ask yourself: Do you want to grow your capacity to take on a leadership position? Be a better team member? Exert greater positive influence? Get better at managing yourself, or keeping the goals that matter in focus? Or — your goals need not be only professional — do you want to have a better connection to your spouse or teenager? Understanding the impacts of your current EI habits relative to your goals will keep you going over the long haul as you do the work of strengthening your emotional intelligence.

For example, let’s say you get feedback that you are not a great listener — but you think you are. Instead of taking this assessment as an attack, or simply dismissing it, step back and consider your goals: Perhaps you’ve said that you want to better connect, understand, and communicate with impact. How could listening well help you to do those things? Seeing the feedback in this light can help you position it as an opportunity for developing toward your goals, rather than a threat.

What changes will you make to achieve these goals?

Once you’ve determined which EI skills you want to focus on, identify specific actions that you’ll take. If you’re working on becoming a better listener, for example, you might decide that when you’re conversing with someone you’ll take the time to pause, listen to what they have to say, and check that you understand before you reply. Keep it specific. That helps you change the target habit.

You should also take every naturally occurring opportunity to practice the skill you’re developing, no matter how small. You’re trying to train your brain to react differently in common situations, and the principle of neuroplasticity tells us that as a given brain circuit gets used more often, the connections within it become stronger. And the brain does not distinguish between home and work when it comes to changing your habits: Practice at home as well as at work, with your partner or teenager as you would with your boss or direct reports.

Spotting these opportunities to trot out your new habit requires a bit of extra awareness. At first this will take effort (and actually doing it might feel strange). But each time you do it, these new pathways in your brain strengthen their connection, making your new approach easier and more habitual. Soon you’ll find it more natural to pause and listen for a reply, for example, than to cut off the person you’re talking with in your excitement to respond. One day you will reach a neural landmark: The new habit will kick in automatically, without you having to make any effort. That means your new habit has replaced the old as your brain’s default circuit.

Here, too, a coach can be useful to you along the way, especially if they are explicitly trained in helping leaders and executives develop their EI strengths. From accessing the right kind of evaluation to observing you in action, a well-trained coach can work with you to identify personal narratives or habitual patterns of mind that undermine your ability to get out of your own way, and instead talk you through those days when life’s pressures force you back into your old, not-so-good habits.

By answering these questions and starting to change your routine reactions, you’ll be well on your way to figuring out the old habits that aren’t serving you well and transforming them into new, improved ones that do.

I was fortunate enough to have started Tai Chi a moving meditation at a very early age. Practicing Tai Chi for over 25 years has allowed me to build a solid foundation to support the most important aspect of EQ development, which is attention training.

If you are interested in supporting yourself or helping the teams you manage, the links below can help you learn more about EQ training.

December 18, 2018

1. Ask and reflect.

2. Use your emotional vocabulary.

3. Pause.

4. Use the 3-second trick.

5. Adjust your volume.

6. Think before addressing sensitive topics.

7. Fast-forward.

8. Learn from negative emotions.

9. Learn from emotional hijacks.

10. Learn to say no.

11. Ask for feedback.

12. Turn criticism into constructive feedback.

13. Learn from commendation.

14. Practice empathy.

15. Commend others.

16. Fight fear–with knowledge.

17. Learn to say sorry.

18. Forgive.

19. Be honest. (But keep it respectful.)

20. Keep your guard up.

21. Control your thoughts.

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Training to help

Changing the Brain

Building on previous studies

1. Successful negotiation requires building relationships.

2. Being able to articulately describe feelings is key.

3. In negotiation, influence means more than authority.

4. Sensitivity to feedback is crucial when working out a compromise.

So what can you do to build emotional intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Developed.

Why surfing helps build EQ

What can today’s leaders learn from these studies?

Real World Examples of Applying Mindfulness at Work

What You Can Do to Cultivate Better Mental Performance

What are the differences between how you see yourself and how others see you?

What matters to you?

What changes will you make to achieve these goals?

Learn Tai Chi

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